Mid-life crisis gone wild? Remedy for 9/11 trauma? I began formulating my memoirs somewhere in the midst of my years of legal lust in New York City. Who knew the corporate world of law could offer such a sensual pool to fish from? I was a legal secretary in a highly prestigious law firm from 2002-2006. I worked for the senior partner and enjoyed my sexual liaisons with attorneys, clients, and even the boys in the mailroom. As the unofficial social director, everyone came to my desk for directions to the next fun after-work event. We worked together, played together, and sexed together - one big, happy, legal lump of lust!
When I originally began writing my memoirs I thought it would be a titillating romp through my sexcapades as a legal secretary when I was still single and wild. After a loveless and sexless seven-year marriage in the 90s (I know the seven-year itch!) I was ready for a good dose of lust. That is what I thought anyway. Little did I know I was on a journey deep into my sex/love addiction, a journey fraught with painful consequences that ended with me remarried, yet being paid to have sex with wealthy men. Yes, I wanted to believe it was legal. They were merely helping a lady who found herself in a difficult situation.
Until recently, few people recognized that sex/love addictions even existed, especially not for women, and least of all for me. Although I knew I had tremendous difficulty being alone for more than a few hours at a time, I had an even more difficult time coping outside the cocoon of a romantic relationship. When I was between relationships, I was absolutely miserable. Later on, I adopted the serial dating approach so I wouldn't have a moment to lament while desperately hoping to find the next Mr. Right. But I just told myself this was a fun adventure and for the most part, I did have fun, as long as the addiction was fed. I was never content though with my need to be in love and in a relationship. However, I preferred that to being in lust. I accepted lust only as a bad second to love, and I accepted it often.
Memoirs of a Legal Courtesan is about my zany, fun, sexy, dangerous, lonely, courageous, and painful life of longing, lust, and love. I hope that men and women who suffer from sex/love addictions, consciously or unconsciously, or know of those who do, will find insights, compassion, humor, hope, healing, and recovery from reading about my journey to sobriety.